It really just hit me that I'll be at home all summer in girls' clothes. I don't mind not being on T yet. I just want my parents to stop conspiring against me and trying to convert/brainwash me. It's so tiring defending them to others and to myself. I'm tired of having to be the only soldier in my army (for my personal battle). I'm starting to doubt the value of being in this family. The pros of living my own life greatly outweigh the cons. I think one of the suckiest parts is the secrecy. I'd rather they be honest. I'm tired of having to seem oblivious to their ploys in order to keep the peace. I feel like it's either peace or happiness at this point which is exactly where I was in the beginning before I came out. And I'm tired of crying. So tired. Tired of having to take naps to be ok enough to get my school work done. It's getting to the point where I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, not because I'm not perceived as Zay but because I'm afraid I'll just start crying out of nowhere or that my countenance will drop so low so suddenly that I'll bring other people down too. Wasn't the whole point of this so that I could begin to be happy?
I'm not a whiner, I just need a place to let things out. Sorry for the downer
--Zay
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