Timing Is Everything (especially God's timing)

So just after I posted my last blog about peace, the peace feeling left. Actually it was while I was writing it but I decided to post it anyway because what I experienced was still true. Last night was a rough night. It wasn't because of anyone else, my brain just wouldn't stop thinking and analyzing and replaying and none of it was positive. I woke up feeling pretty crappy. I skipped the class I never skip and set my alarm for an hour so I could go to my next class. During that hour I had a headache, kept tossing back and forth and my shoulders kept popping out of place (strange, yes. frustrating, extremely). I couldn't get to sleep, I couldn't even nod off. I was in so much pain and discomfort physically and emotionally not only in that hour but in general that I was basically planning how to say goodbye to everyone. I finally found a position that didn't make my shoulders crack or my headache worse and 5 minutes later the alarm went off. I wanted to go back to sleep but I made myself go to class so I wouldn't fail my final next week. After class I typically go to my room but I decided to go to lunch early. My mood lifted when I passed by the dessert display and noticed my two favorites: Blue jello (which they haven't had all YEAR) and blondies (which they only have every few weeks). I gave God a thumbs up but was still sad that I was eating alone. After I was done eating I was ready to go mope some more and try to go back to sleep (which I fully plan to do after I finish this blog). I decided to check my email just before and I saw something suspicious in my mailbox. I was going to delete it but I decided to take a chance. This is what it was:

too scared to say has sent you a message using your contact form at: http://www.wix.com/nhcomfort/ZayBeMe/page 8

Senders email: trillion_thoughts@hotmail.com

Gender...Jesus was 100% human and 100% divine. God is not bounded by gender... I wonder, if God was on earth, is there the possibility that God could be genderless. God is almighty. That would be no big task. Jesus could have been born a trans. Gender is a social construction. Some cultures have 3 genders or more....sorry i'm rambling.

As for your mother, things must be very hard for her too. She always had it in her head that she had a daughter and probably imagined, while you were still in her womb, how you would grow up to be. At this point she is in major denial. Hopefully one day she can understand. It is unrealistic to think your parents will be ok right off the bat with you being different than their image of you. Eventually God will help them understand. Patience is a virtue. I'm sorry that they are not being supportive at this stage of your life. The whole thing is new, to them at least. I imagine your mother throws the bible at you out of desperation and not knowing what else to do, more than anything else. Each person will try to use the bible to their advantage and out of context. The bible is filled with amazing stories full of truth. At times we focus on the wrong meaning of truth. We focus on the literal meanings instead of the messages that God tries to get across. We get caught up in our own interpretations of things and we skip over the important lessons. It is not fair to use the bible to make others feel badly about themselves (including all other negative feelings). There is something inherently wrong about using the bible as a weapon in such a way. Sometimes when people do not know much about something they freak out... God makes no mistakes. You are going to help so many other people who have been marginalized by society and Christians. You remind Christians that everybody can be led to Christ; God invites them to, and no human can revoke an invitation from God. Like Frodo from Lord of the Rings (sorry if you haven't seen that movie), it wont be an easy task, but you were chosen for a reason. Frodo is my favorite chracter because although he is the smallest one out of the whole group and he is also the most scared, he musters up the courage to do what he was chosen to do. As you have mentioned, people have said that God gave you the parents you have for a reason. True. What if you were chosen as their son to help them understand what unconditional love is? Christianity is central to them and they are surrounded by several Christians who think the same way they do. By helping them understand unconditional love, you are inviting other Christians to understand. You are challenging what they believe to be dogmas and that ain't easy.

You were not born fully male or fully female. We come in all different shapes and sizes, it is really a great thing. How wonderful that our God Almighty can create such wonderful beings, all so different. You are wonderful. It is too bad that our brothers and sisters treat each other, including you, in such nasty ways....

You are a light and will teach people many things. You already do. Like a lighthouse, you will guide many people from rocky waters onto stable land. Although you yourself might feel unstable at times, just remember God is your anchor. Along your journey God will bless you with more anchors, friends you can count on to help you. You are not alone. I pray that one day your family will become one of your strongest anchors.

All the best,
An unexpected someone/ "acquaintance" who cares for you more than you know...

PS Have a blessed day.

So yea...unexpected someone. You rock. Thanks for caring. I hope you end up reading this so you know how much it meant to me.

Over n Out
--Zay