Peace

After a couple weeks of being constantly angry and crying every time my head hit a pillow, I decided to pray the same prayer I did a little over a year ago. The result? The same wave of peace. I don't feel the guilt I felt just a couple of days ago of ruining my family, of sending people off in the wrong direction. God reveals new things and refreshes the old things. Though my parents are currently extremely unsupportive and have skipped the "what did I do" to go straight to "you're ruining the family", I'm more optimistic than I was before. That doesn't mean I've forgotten what they said or that what they said was ok. I just have faith that one day, the words will be different.

A lot of people have told me that before I start hormones I should be going through a significant amount of therapy, as in a year or more. But who is a better counselor than God? When you start therapy you have a significant part of the process which is dedicated to getting to know you and your background as a patient but God is the one who created us and is omniscient. Who better knows how the human brain works than the one who gave it its function? That's what I think about that.

I had something else today but the A.D.D. I may or may not have is in full force and my brain is in a million places at once and so are my fingers. I'll update if I remember. Oh! I remembered.

Testosterone is very important to me. VERY important. But I think that I would feel better about not having it if even just my family and those close to me could see me as male. I think if they realize that I am a person outside of being a name that they gave me or outside of being their daughter, it'll be easier. We are not our bodies or the labels we've been assigned, even the ones we've chosen. We are souls. The bodies allow us to interact with one another.

That was jumbled but I hope you got the gist.

Over n Out
--Zay