Life Update

So I've been going back and forth on whether or not I was going to really get into this and the answer is yes. Here's why:

Me and my girlfriend have fought a lot about this. She's always tried to talk me out of it in one way or another, showing me different sides, opinions, approaches and solutions which I've tried to adapt to but somehow I could never let this go. The main things holding me back were fear that I was going against God and that I would lose my girlfriend.

But recently I've been praying really hard about this issue because I didn't want either of those outcomes and wanted to just let the issue go. Instead of bringing me the ability to accept what I'd been born as, I couldn't leave it alone. In fact, the more I prayed, the more He revealed to me that this trial, this annoyance, this confusion, this process was all part of His plan. It just took one hint at a time of desperation to reveal all the other hints I'd looked over: my major, choice of school, friends, even the names I'd chosen for myself. XaVier means new house like the new body I'll be creating to match how I feel on the inside. It also means bright as I am to be as a reflection of the light of the world.

I was also worried about losing the love of my life but God has calmed that fear as well. He gave me the story of Abraham and how he was willing to sacrifice what was most important to him here on earth to fulfill God's agenda. My girl promises that we can work together through anything and that nothing will affect our friendship so I just hope this comes under that warranty. I need someone who loves me on a deeper level to help. She's so passionate about what she's involved in that I know it would be good to have her support in this. But I also believe that if we part, we'll end up back together or that if we're not meant to be together forever, the one who was made for me will be found. I'm a firm believer that everything and everyone has a time and a season and I'm trying to appreciate everything that comes into my life for what it is and not try to stretch it or shorten its time and mar the blessing or the lesson. With that said, I love my girl. She's my queen.

I've never felt such peace. I'm thinking more clearly, though just as fast. I'm just happier although I'm anxious hoping I dont miss my cue or jump the gun. I guess that's it for now.

Over n Out
-- bright new house comforter warrior (xavier nehemiah alexander aka zay)