Step by Step

These past couple of days have been pretty good. On Monday I decided to reclaim my trans identity. My spirits have been unusually high just based on that fact alone. I'm not even sure how far I want to take my transition but just allowing myself to feel and think the way that I do has made a big difference. My friend keeps saying I'm acting different. When I'm not depressed, my adhd comes through a lot more. What can I say?

Today was a day of many firsts including my first doctor's appointment without my mom and MY FIRST DEPO SHOT!!!!! Cost me $56 too but I'm glad I did it. It's not T or anything but its a start in the direction I wanna go. My booty cheek hurts tho... My next shot is in February and at that point, I'll be halfway to never having a 'monthly bill' again.

Two small victories today:

1. In my performance group there are 2 guys, a girl and me. Today during rehearsal, after repeatedly demonstrating my lack of knowledge of the female culture (i.e. "What's a halter top?" among others), the girl goes "why do I feel like the only girl in the room?" I wanted to say "cuz you are" but I just smiled. And it gets better. One of the guys goes "cuz I'm a guy..." and I turn around to see the girl pointing at me and mouthing something I'm sure was along the lines of "but she is." The guy then says "cuz she's cool..." Ha! I'm cool! Even with the pronoun thing it was nice to hear. And the same guy is letting me wear his tux for our performance :)

2. I was getting food and I turn around and some girls boobs are in my face. Slightly offended at their unashamed protrusion, I told my friend who then asked me "Ah...not a boob man?" :) I don't know if I'd call myself a man yet. I feel like I still have a lot of learning and maturing to do but being recognized as male even in half-joking was cool.

But I'm totally wiped and I can't keep my eyes open much longer so for now...

Over n Out,

Zay